After Your Abortion, Caring for Your Emotional Health
ABOUT THIS SECTION
We will take the best care of you while you are here. This section talks about your emotional health as you return to your life. Emotional health is vital to your overall health. Abortion is a choice you share with millions of women, but your personal abortion experience is unique. Whether or not your decision to have an abortion was difficult, you're probably anticipating moving forward in your life. You may be wondering what to expect emotionally as you begin to understand the changes you've been through.
In this section, you will read about the wide variations in feelings, issues and concerns women have shared with us over the years and many of the ideas and suggestions that have helped them feel at peace with their decision and, for many, move forward with some new ways of thinking. We offer many resources for you, here on our website, in our Centers and beyond.
WE BELIEVE
You deserve to be at peace with your decision. We believe good women, just like you, make difficult choices with much thought. Like all difficult decisions, you consider everything, make a moral choice and then take responsible action. How you integrate this experience into your life so that you can move forward will determine your emotional health.
WE PROMISE
To listen and to support you in your personal journey.
PAGE CONTENTS
Click on the title you need or just scroll down.
This was a Thoughtful Decision
Read an introduction that recognizes the complexity of this decision.
Feelings After Abortion
There is no 'RIGHT' way to feel – just 'YOUR' way.
Read about the wide range of feelings women have.
Abortion Choice is Universal;
Your Experience is Unique
Abortion is normal. However, your personal experience of abortion is unique. Read about the many factors that influence your feelings.
Elements of Post-Abortion Emotional Health
Read how to identify signs of health and steps you take to get there.
Honor Your Experience
Look at ways women have found to be healing,honoring yourself and your decision
Embrace Your Spirituality
Spirituality...Religion... people use many terms to define this special meaning in their lives. Read about ways your spirituality and beliefs can help you incorporate your abortion experience into your life.
Prolonged Grief
Sometimes all of this just doesn't feel like enough for your needs. Read about ways of going deeper, ways to heal.
More Resources & Links
Appointment Information
This was a Thoughtful Decision
Even though you have chosen not to be pregnant at this time, you are not exactly the same person as before you were pregnant. You had to consider whether it was the right time to have a child: You looked at your own goals and dreams, assessed your relationship to others, and you thought about your own sense of what is right for your life situation.
This thoughtful process may have brought up some conflicts and challenges. You may find you need others to talk to or help from a counselor or clergy member to do this.
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Feelings After Abortion
As you probably already know from your own life experiences, whenever an attachment or connection is broken off, feelings of loss can be expected. And, for women who have had an abortion, this is no exception. Being sure of your decision before helps your healing process after. While some women experience emotional pain, others do not. In fact, many women describe feelings of relief and look forward to a return of physical wellness and more energy. Both are normal responses. Feelings are different for everyone and will probably change over time. There is no 'RIGHT' way to feel – just 'YOUR' way. Feeling sad when you're pregnant and don't want to be, is normal. And, grief is part of healing when you experience a loss. When you have an abortion you are giving something up – you are deciding to intervene and not have a child right now. You may feel the loss of a pregnancy dream, of a relationship, of innocence. Remember, even when a loss is voluntary, it can still hurt. It is important to notice your feelings, even if they are painful or uncomfortable. Being honest with yourself is always the best path. Punishing yourself or feeling guilty is not necessary and is not good for you. Return to Page Contents
Abortion Choice is Universal;
Your Experience is Unique
Did you know?
- Over 1/3 of American women will have an abortion by the age of 45.
- Women of all ages, races, economic backgrounds and religious beliefs have abortions.
- Over 1 million abortions occur in the United States each year.
Abortion is normal. However, your personal experience of abortion is unique. You can take comfort in knowing your feelings about abortion are shared by millions of women. But, because your decision to choose abortion may have been complex, feelings about it may also be complex. These feelings are affected by many factors, including religion, culture, relationships, age and current life situations. One of the most important factors to remember is that each pregnancy stands alone - the particular circumstances of this particular pregnancy are different from any other pregnancy. The same woman who chooses abortion at one time in her life may choose, or already has chosen, parenthood at another time. If you are having a hard time
If you are having a hard time you will probably need to spend some more time identifying and sorting out your feelings about this experience.
When pregnancy occurs, you may feel as if your entire past, present and future are up for examination. So, feelings after abortion may also have a great deal to do with other issues in your life that have not been addressed. Whatever you were feeling, all the issues you were dealing with before your abortion will likely continue afterwards. If you are having problems in a relationship or with a family member, working to heal that, perhaps with the help of a counselor or trusted advisor, will be helpful. And, if you have been prescribed medication for depression or other mood problems, continue it as directed. Expressing your feelings is crucial to emotional health. Sometimes, it's a matter of finding someone you can trust to be non-judgmental so you can share your feelings. Please call if you want to talk. We can schedule an appointment to sit down with you and offer local referrals to sources we trust.
Your healing is in your heart...and our hearts are open to yours.
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Elements of Post-Abortion Emotional Health
Here are some elements of emotional health and ways to express your feelings as you heal. Pay attention to your feelings
One of the first steps in emotional health is to identify the feelings you may be having. It is common to feel anger, empowerment, grief, guilt, relief, shame, spiritual questioning, or all of these! Many women feel a sense of sadness and a sense of relief at the same time. For a few women, a feeling of loss may be felt weeks, months, even years after the loss of a pregnancy through abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth or adoption. Each deserves its own grief and healing process. If you are having emotional or spiritual pain after an abortion, there is a healing process. There are more and more resources in our society to support women who've lost a pregnancy. Here, on our website, you will find some great Resources, including TalkLines and Internet sites offering healing thoughts, ideas and methods.
Letting go of blame - taking some control:
Understand why and how you got pregnant when you weren't planning to
For many women, becoming pregnant when they didn't want to is the most difficult part about having an abortion. Birth control measures may have failed you, or other circumstances may have found you unprotected from pregnancy. It is helpful to recognize you are not alone - you got pregnant under the same circumstances in which many other women have also gotten pregnant. This may help you to let go of the shame and self-blame you may be experiencing.
When You're Ready - Here at Northland, we have a program designed to help you explore your sexual health needs. This may include establishing regular GYN care, birth control, or other sexuality issues and concerns. Call us - we'd love to sit down with you. Appointments Allow time to grieve
Grief is different for everyone. Many people are surprised at how difficult the grieving process can be. There is no set timeframe. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Allow yourself time to grieve, if you need it.
Talk to someone you can trust
Sometimes, just being able to talk with someone who you know will not judge you is a great relief. Find others who are willing to truly listen and who will understand your feelings. If you don't feel you have anyone, consider calling one of the Talklines we trust who can offer immediate support.
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Honor Your Experience
You may want to create your own way to acknowledge your loss or changes. It may be as simple as releasing a symbolic object into the water, planting a tree or writing a poem. It would be a way for you to memorialize the day and move forward. Write a letter:
To Yourself
If there are people who oppose your decision or if you are worried about regretting it later, take some time now to write about why you made the choice of abortion and how you felt about ending this pregnancy. Save this to read at a later date if you need to.
To the spirit of the child
Many women find they are talking to the spirit of the child inside of them. It may be useful and helpful to write your thoughts on paper. Some women write how they came to their decision, some ask for forgiveness. Some thank the spirit for the wisdom or thoughts they have had about life. Some write about the love they feel. Sometimes, having a way to say goodbye is an important part of healing.
Share your experience with others.
You might find some of your own feelings or experiences in stories of other women who have dealt with painful post-abortion feelings. There are some web sites you may find helpful in sharing stories and finding similar experiences, especially if you do not have support around you. Resources
Remember: Go to factual and supportive sites.
Use our Resources, or Choice Link Up . Avoid the negative traps of anti-choice sites.
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Embrace Your Spirituality
What is Spirituality? People use many different names for their spirituality. One name is God. Others include Creator, Holy Spirit, Goddess, Greater Truth, Higher Power, Voice Within, Inner Light, Loving Spirit, Divine Feminine or Infinite Wisdom. Our spirituality is wise and loving, and we usually know when we are honoring it. It's important to discover your own truth and honor it. Some women feel conflicted about their pregnancy choice, especially the choice of abortion, and their religious teachings. If this is you, or someone you know, we encourage you to look a little deeper into your religion and you may find more tolerance than you expect. Many faiths teach that the conscience of the individual is supreme. If you carefully examine your conscience and then decide abortion is the most moral act you can do at this time, your faith may well support you. As with all religions, individuals must decide what their conscience says and their faith advises. Did You Know?
Women with strong religious feelings choose abortion in the same proportion as all women.
And, in fact, most religions support a woman's right and responsibility to make pregnancy decisions.
You may also find helpful:
Religious Coalition for Reproductive Rights
Catholics for Free Choice Special Note to Women in an Abusive Relationship:
If you are afraid of being hurt by your partner or if he tries to make you feel bad about yourself, please get help before it gets worse. There are services in your area that can help. Call the National Domestic Abuse Line at 1-800-799-7233 or for sexual assault/incest, call 1-800-656-4673 or find a local number under Social Services in your yellow pages. Counseling for you and/or your partner is available, as well as shelters, support groups, and information.
From our Hearts to Yours
Portions of this section adapted from "I Know I Made the Right Decision...but " by Charlotte Taft, Imagine Counseling, "Pregnant? Need Help? Pregnancy Options Workbook" , developed by Peg Johnston, Southern Tier Women's Services, EXHALE.
Here at Northland,
we make the world a better place for women!
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