The Abortion Decision

Especially for Men

Welcome to Northland Family Planning Center

Yes, you will find us different. Not only do we provide the best medical care possible, we also create an environment where women and men are treated with compassion, dignity and respect.

Here, we make the world a better place for women.

Your support is valued.
Over the years, most women tell us it helps to have someone to talk to or confide in about feelings. We encourage women to involve a friend, partner or relative in the abortion experience. Your support in the abortion experience is important and valued. We're glad you're here for support, but we also know that you may need some support as well.

Whether or not to continue a pregnancy can be a difficult decision. It is a choice that must make sense not only in your head, but in your heart as well. That is why we developed our unique Head and Heart Counseling Program. Here, women who are unclear about their abortion decision are encouraged to work with our counselors and take time to explore their feelings about this pregnancy.

Take a few minutes for yourself and explore this great website for men: Men and Abortion . We also offer The Pregnancy Options Workbook. This is a great resource for thinking through thoughts and feelings about pregnancy. You may find it helpful. Pick one up for free at the reception desk when you come to Northland or right here on our website.

In fact, here on our website you will find information on abortion and all our reproductive health services, including post abortion health care and answers to many frequently asked questions and concerns.

How are you feeling?
Men are certainly impacted by pregnancy, the decision making process, and the choice made. Many men experience the same emotional tug of war as women feel...in their heart, they feel that they want to have a child, but their head tells them this is not the right time to become a father.

It is natural for men to have emotional feelings about the abortion experience.

Even though you are working to be strong for your girlfriend, wife or friend, you may also be scared for her, or you may feel guilty or even shut out of things.

You may be upset at the idea of losing, or continuing, this pregnancy. Please know that most women do want to know how you feel. Even though she must ultimately follow her own judgment, she wants to hear your thoughts and know that you are concerned and that you care.

Putting feelings into words
"I feel bad. I feel guilty.” Some men feel guilty that they caused the pregnancy, especially if a condom was not used. Unless you pressured her into sex, then both you and she share the responsibility for the pregnancy.

Focus on what you can do now and in the future. Tell her you are sorry, follow some of the support suggestions below, and become involved in preventing, or planning future pregnancies.

“I feel bad because I'm not a good provider.” Sometimes men feel like a failure because they can't afford a child - or another child. More and more families are relying on two paychecks to get by. You may feel that even if you take on extra work, your working all the time means you can't be with her or with your children. Or, you may feel that even though it will be hard, it's worth having another child.

Share your thoughts with her and let her talk it through with you. It may be you both set a goal to become more financially stable so that you can provide for a child in the future.

“I feel sad, I wanted this baby.” It may be hard on you if you wanted to have this baby and she doesn't. You may feel the loss more than you think she does.

People who suffer a loss need to grieve. It's important to find someone who can listen to what you are going through. That may be a counselor or a friend. Please let us know...we can help.

“I feel insecure. Will we break up?” If you both agree and support each other-and talk to each other, the relationship get can even better. Even if you don't agree, if you show that you care about each other, the relationship can grow. And, even if you have already agreed to break up, caring for each other now will help you both cope better with this unexpected situation. You will feel better knowing that you did your best in a difficult time.

This can be a challenging time, however, so remember to be patient and take time to talk to each other. Remember, we are here for you both.

Talking to someone
It may help for you to talk to someone too. She may not be the only one having a hard time. Talk to us. Or, seek out counseling from a mental health clinic, or a private therapist. We can offer referrals to some great people who truly understand. If you continue to have a hard time with your partner's decision, get help.

Support suggestions: Show her you care.

• Let her know you're sorry that she is the one who has to go through this physically.
• Check in with her often to see how she's feeling.
• Do something special for her...flowers, dinners, a gift, a love letter.
• Be affectionate, but be prepared for her not to want to be sexual. You may feel rejected, but remember that she connects sexual intercourse with this situation.
• Be understanding about the symptoms of pregnancy. Nausea, tiredness, irritability and moodiness are all pregnancy symptoms. Most will go away a few days after the abortion.
• Read through the Recovery At Home Packet instructions she is given. Have pain medication available and maybe a heating pad or hot water bottle. To avoid infection she should not have intercourse for two weeks.
• Help make arrangements so she can return for her 2-week check-up.

When You're Both Ready: Help with birth control. Use condoms. Help pay for other birth control options.
Remember, this pregnancy can change your relationship - choose from your heart.

Here at Northland, we work from our hearts...
and our hearts are open to yours.

Portions of this section adapted from: "Pregnant? Need Help? Pregnancy Options Workbook," developed by Peg Johnston, Southern Tier Women's Services and "After Her Abortion" For Parents, Male Partners, and Friends” , by Anne Baker, The Hope Clinic for Women.

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Last page update: 9/07