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Early Abortion Care

Looking at Physical & Emotional Pain

Nobody wants to feel pain, but pain is a part of life, and certainly a part of pregnancy. Our individual ideas about pain are very complicated. As you consider your decision or before choosing a pain medication option, it might be helpful to explore the issue of pain more fully, both physical (body) pain and emotional (heart) pain.

Try to answer the following questions:

Physical pain: cramps
A. On a scale of 1 to 5 -- one being mild cramps that don't really bother you up to five where you can't do anything because the cramps hurt so much -- how would you describe your period cramps?

Describe your experience of period cramps.

B. What helps when you have cramps?

__ pain reliever ______________________

__ going to bed

__ a heating pad or a hot water bottle

__ someone sitting with me or sympathizing

__ a back rub or a massage

__ having something hot to drink

__ distracting myself with an activity

__ other ___________________________

Here are some pain relief methods many women use during their periods and after an abortion:

• Lie down with a heating pad or hot water bottle.
• Move around and stretch out.
• Have someone give you a lower back rub or massage. The lower back and thighs are important to massage.
• If you are bleeding and clotting a lot, try a uterine massage — locate the pelvic bone, just behind it, is the uterus. Try to rub or "knead" it, until it feels better. This works best after pain medication has been taken.
• If you are feeling emotional, ask someone to sit with you and talk about how you feel.
• Some people deal with pain by distracting themselves with an activity or by talking.
• Try deep breathing exercises—many people use some version of deep breathing to relax and work through pain. Here is one way to do this:

Lie comfortably on your back with your neck supported.

Take few deep breaths and let them out slowly.

Now, start at your feet and curl your toes, counting 1-2-3-4-5,

then relax your toes to the count of five.

Breathe in when you are tensing your muscles and

breathe out when relaxing your muscles.

Bend your ankles and tense your feet to the count of 5,

then relax those same muscles to the count of 5.

Do the same thing with your thighs and buttocks.

Tighten for 5 counts, and then relax the muscles for 5 counts.

Remember, breathe in and then breathe out.

Feel your uterus and lower abdomen cramp or tense and

try to feel it relax as you breathe out.

Next, do your arms and hands.

Now, tense your shoulders up around your ears

and then relax for 5 counts and sigh as you let your breath out.

Squeeze your facial muscles and your eyes shut and then relax them.

Go back to your uterus and lower abdomen and

repeat the tensing and relaxing of those muscles.

Be sure to breathe deeply and then

let the breath out slowly as you relax.

Are the cramps better?

Have someone read these instructions to you slowly in a quiet voice.

Emotional pain: feelings
C. How do you feel emotionally in other situations when you know you will be in pain or are in pain?

__ Alone

__ Frantic

__ Sad

__ Upset

__ Scared

__ Ashamed

__ I feel sorry for myself

__ Frustrated, I can't do things

__ Irritable

Here are some thoughts on working through your emotions during painful times:

Distinguish physical from emotional pain. Difficult emotions can make pain feel worse. For example, getting a tattoo is painful but it is more tolerated because it's fun and it's something we want. Wearing a pair of uncomfortable shoes is another example of pain that is tolerated because they look great with that special outfit.

Having an abortion is certainly more serious than these examples and because “pregnancy shines a bright light on your life and dreams”, many feelings can come up and some may feel ‘painful'.

Many emotions surface when a woman is facing an abortion. It is very helpful to write down your feelings as you have them and then write a positive message to yourself. Many times in our lives, we will have conflicting feelings about something we need to make a decision about. You are capable of holding both feelings of sadness and resolution.

Remember sad does not equal bad.

See if any of these examples match what you are feeling. Then, read our non-punishing approach.

• "I really feel stupid and irresponsible."

Even if you would have done things differently, remember that pregnancy is always a risk when you have sex and sometimes we take more risks than we mean to around sex. Resolve to make a plan to protect yourself better and move forward with your life. Even if it's true that you could have been more responsible, it does not mean that you deserve pain or you should punish yourself for the mistake.

• "I shouldn't have been with him and now I'm paying for it."

Sometimes it helps to figure out the reasons for our behavior (for example: "I was lonely", "I misjudged the situation" etc). Whatever the reason, it seemed like a good idea at the time. If you are feeling guilty, like you did something wrong, remember, getting pregnant was a mistake, not a punishment. No one deserves pain, even if you didn't live up to your own standards.

• "No one can know about this. I am so ashamed."

When we are trying to hide something, we carry an extra burden of feelings - dread, fear, shame... Instead of imagining the worst possible reaction from someone, imagine how they may support you by saying, "I'm sorry you are in this situation, but I know that you will make the best decision for your life." Forgive yourself. Even if your friend or family member becomes angry with you or doesn't offer you support, remember that you deserve peace and that it must come from inside you.

• "I feel terrible about doing this, but I really have no choice."

No one ever wants to be in this situation however, 43% of all women will have an abortion in their lifetime. Once you are pregnant and don't want to be, you are making what you believe to be the best choice for your life under the circumstances. You may feel sad or down, but you are not a bad person. This decision may feel painful, but you deserve peace, whatever your choice.

• "I've heard so many awful things about abortion. I'm really scared. What if...?"

Our society is in great conflict about abortion, so it's no wonder that there are a lot of scary stories out there. However, statistics show that abortion is one of the safest medical procedures, no matter what the method. There is a risk to everything, including riding in a car. So, learn as much as you can and let reality help you. Fear and tension can make everything feel worse.

One way to deal with these fears is to practice the relaxation methods we described above and then say each fear out loud – and finish the sentence. When we hear the fears sitting inside our head out in the open, we can better evaluate the reality and make better decisions. Remember, keep finishing the sentences...

I am afraid that _______.

And if ____ happens, I am afraid that ____.

And so on.

You will be amazed at how calm and clear-headed you will feel!

Healing is in your head and your heart.
And our hearts are open to yours.

Please also check out these helpful resources right here on our website:

Anesthesia Program - Special Comfort Options for physical pain concerns in your abortion experience.

And Taking Care of Yourself After Your Abortion for both physical and emotional concerns.

Portions of this section adapted from: "Pregnant? Need Help? Pregnancy Options Workbook," developed by Margaret Johnston, Director, Southern Tier Women's Services.

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